Are You Destined for Social Mastery? (Pt2)

If you haven’t had a chance to read part 1 yet on “Are you Destined for Social Mastery?” Then feel free to click on the link below.

Are you Destined to be a Social Master? (Pt1)

You’ll find out why I have the picture above as you read the blog.

I know it hasn’t been 30 days yet, but I hope that some of you are rewiring your brain to be social masters. Don’t ignore the fact that you need to socially reprogram yourself first. Most people miss this step, and it’s very critical to your success.

In this blog I’m going to share with you a story about me, and why you have to act what you believe in.

Quite a while back, about a year ago, I started to put affirmations on my wall. One of my affirmations that hangs right above my computer is this

“I am surrounded by people who are more successful than I am in all aspects of life, and am grateful for those that helped me achieve my success.”

Now that doesn’t mean I don’t hang out with people who are “less successful” than I am. But that does mean staying away from people who don’t have the same drive to advance their professional and social life, and who are big complainers. People that complain about being single, or how much they hate their job, or how much this city sucks to live in.

And so along the way I took some of my first steps to get rid of that negativity. I started shedding and seeing people less often that did not contribute to my life in a meaningful way. Shedding an old social lifestyle can be hard to do, it’s like mourning, especially if it’s a lifestyle we’ve grown accustomed to. We get comfortable and don’t want to work hard at creating a whole new social network.

But what also happened was that even though I was shedding old contacts, I still ended up attracting similar new people into my life. I didn’t feel that they were going to educate me in a way that would shine a “Wow” insight into how to run my business or my life. I wanted to be able to exchange ideas with great minds, people who were passionate, who took action, were engaging in life, who wanted to exchange ideas freely and offer feedback, and help me get out of my freakin’ comfort zone.

When I realized that most of the people I met weren’t pushing me out of my comfort zone, I knew I was meeting the wrong group of people for me.

I sat down, and I questioned myself.

“Why was I not meeting the people I wanted to meet?”
After some thinking, I realized it’s because I secretly rejected successful people. It sounds strange, but it’s true. I rejected success in my life. The same success that I was seeking. This was a huge hypocritical belief I had in my life. And this is how I knew personally that I wasn’t going to surround myself with successful people in my life.

I looked at the results and actions that were being produced.

• I hardly ever asked out anybody that was more successful than I was in life out for coffee or to meet up just to chat. (Being around another person’s energy can make a huge difference!)

• I never asked more successful people for advice on how to get ahead in the world of business. I was always secretly afraid that they were going to charge me for the services or somehow rudely say no. Which to this date the worst answer I’ve gotten is a “no.”

• Even when I would get invited to drinks with a group of people who held a small seminar, I would politely decline. I never got to know these people on a personal level.

Even though I was hoping to meet all these wonderful people in my life I never quite did. Once I truly became aware, I started to match my actions with my beliefs. And not only that I had to take the right actions and learn to act more like the successful people I wanted to meet. And this was the tricky part…I had to be coached by others, I had to observe, and get out of my damn comfort zone.

What’s resulted? I’m not going to lie, I don’t associate with people like Tony Robbins, or Jack Canfield yet (they’re on my list of people to meet). But I have met people who I consider great people.

People like Ronald Lee of Man Meets Woman, Andrew Parkes, Ricky Shetty who is a great connector, my wonderful girlfriend, Simon Chu and Edward Leung, and Margie from Vibelife.

SOOOO…look at yourself. Ask yourself a simple question. Are you doing what you believe in. If you want more dates in your life with attractive women, then are you actually doing the first steps which is talking to attractive women?
Don’t be a hypocrite….Do the actions that are congruent with your own beliefs. Beliefs don’t do much without the right action.

P.S. “Do you want to know how to be Irresistible to People with a step by step guide? Do you want to build the right social relationships to advance your career to earn 10%, 20% or even 50% more money in a lifetime?

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• Learn how to approach groups of strangers, a step by step guide
  
• Make others feel fantastic so that they will offer you FREE advice and help your career
• Learn the 13 Deadly Sins that kill your conversation and end your trust and likeability with another person.
  

When you e-mail me at Vincent@conversationarts.com, I will send you a Paypal link that is 100% secure. I never see any of your credit card information and the e-book will be delivered to you instantly via web.  Act now before the launch on my site.  Offer expires Sept 10th, 2009. Order Your Copy Today.

Is What You Know Killing Your Social Life?

Are you Destined for Social Mastery?

Are you Destined for Social Mastery in your life? (Part 1)

According to Malcom Gladwell, author of Outliers, to be a true master in life at any activity you have to put in 10,000 hours of practice time, and with the ability to dedicate yourself to always making incremental improvements in that skill. This is why even if you do talk for more than 10,000 hours in your life, doesn’t make you a good conversationalist?

The question remains, well how exactly do you get to the point of social mastery in the first place. Others give up too soon before really trying to learn any skill, and most of us give up the very first time. It took me a very long time to understand the procedure of how to get great at conversations. Conversations isn’t just about talking, it’s a whole procedure of how to get better. In this blog post I want to share with you some important findings, that if you read every word, could lead you to be a social master in life.

1) You have to change the way you think. The way you’ve thought is leading to where you are today in terms of your social conditioning. Your social conditioning comes from many places, your parents, hanging out with friends that no longer improve in life the same way you want to, and from co-workers.

Now here’s the tricky part, it’s easy to say, but it’s hard to do. You HAVE to for 30 days in a row…recondition yourself in the social skill you want to improve upon. Let’s say you want to be a better networker, the first thing you need to do, is to write down an affirmation that is similar to “I’m an excellent, fun, passionate and enthusiastic networker. I meet people to help them, and in return they are more than happy to help me.” You have to say it with meaning.

Anytime a negative belief comes through, just say to yourself, thank you for sharing that thought, but I CHOOSE to think “I’m a dynamic networker that everybody loves.”

2) Visualize your success. Close your eyes, and visualize for the next 30 days the type of people you want to network with, and people you want to associate with. Take about 7 minutes out of your day. This could be at a tradeshow, your favourite pub, or at a cocktail party. But it’s essential you do that for 7 minutes. Most people don’t realize how powerful the ability to imagine is. Our brain thinks in terms of pictures (about 94% of us do) and yet that we ignore or are ignorant about this particular learning style. STOP! Close your eyes…think of a red car in your mind. Now that you’ve opened them…how many of you spelled out the letters R.E.D. C.A.R. in your mind? Now how many of you actually saw a red car in your mind?
Don’t fight the natural way that you brain thinks. This may take time to get use to, but visualize and imagine the success you have with your conversations.

3) Take the time to read about successful networking tips or about improving your social skills. This is important. Choose one skill to master and stick with that for the first 30 days. For some people, it’s about managing their social anxiety, or it’s about approaching strangers, or it’s about continuing conversations. But for the next 30 days Google articles that are about the topic you want, and spend at least 10 minutes reading articles on that subject. This will help recondition your subconscious.

The hardest part is getting it done for the 30 days in a row. This has been shown that this is the best way to start immersing your mindset into a new conditioning and belief system. This isn’t easy, you’ve been conditioned for years on how to talk, ways to behave, and so it can be extremely hard to shed that.

Now here’s your challenge. 1) Write down an affirmation right now! If you can text someone on the phone, you can write an affirmation.
2) Imagine yourself talking to someone you really want to meet. An actor, someone you admire, and imagine that conversation going very well.
3) Find an article that will help you get started on the area of conversation that you really want to master. This should be an aspect early in the stages of conversation, such as approaching, how to remember names, how to shake hands, and how to make a great first impression and so forth!

Now if you’re already going to say…that’s a lot of work to yourself…this is EXACTLY WHY you aren’t getting the dates you want, the friends you want to meet, and getting the business contacts you hope for. You won’t even put in the time, and purposely follow the correct strategy to being a social master. Keep following the strategy you have now…and all you get is what you’ve got.

When you’ve completed those exercises….look for the second part of social mastery, which is, “Are you a Social Master Hypocrite?” on my next blog post.

*FREE* How to Mesmerize Others by Storytelling E-book @ http://www.conversationarts.com

My first *REAL* Successful Pickup

Sometimes I look back and think to myself some of the greatest things that have happened to me in life. And when I reflect upon them, it brings back some sentimental value.

I don’t usually talk a lot about my days of pick up and being a dating coach, since I do mostly Conversation Coaching for professional purposes.

A friend of mine went out one night to a local restaurant to grab a beer, and I had just gotten into what was called the pick up community and reading stuff from all these dating gurus. The hostess sat us down and right behind us were two women.

One of them was petite, and I thought was really cute. They had just finished their dinner, and it was the perfect time to try out some of the concepts and communication skills that I had read about in some of the books. As my friend was talking to me, I asked him to stay silent.

As they got up, I just asked them in some what confident tone, but inside I was absolutely nerve wracked, “I was wondering if you would like to join us because we have a pitcher of beer coming, and we’re always looking for good company to chat with.”

As the two women looked at each other, I knew that this was a sign to look at who would lead the group. Women will often look at each other during such interactions to seek approval from each other. So instead of letting them decide, I talked to the one who I believed was more dominant female leader of the duo after I convinced her to sit down, then started to talk to the petite girl with these wonderful cat’s eyes glasses. She was well dressed, and later I had found out she was studying fashion. I asked her about what she did, and strangely enough we worked for the same company, around the same part of town, just different locations at the time. She had this high pitched voice, which I found absolutely adorable at the time.
I was able to engage her with about my work that I was currently doing, but what about my dream of being this successful coach that was going to help other people chase their dreams and become successful as well.

At the time she smiled, and seemed very charmed by the ambition. This was because our company didn’t employ a lot of dreamers, but more people that were robots with no set goals in life.

My friend was busy talking to the other girl and just chatting with her, while I kept talking to the girl I was particularly interested in. Then when she finally decided to go and leave, I asked her “So what’s your number?”

She had taken one of my business cards at the time, and looked at me and gave me the “Well I have your number I’ll give you a call.”

This is where it gets tricky in communication. Because in communication how do you ever know if someone is saying something as an initial defense mechanism, or how do you know if someone down deep inside wants to test you? Most of the time it’s hard but it’s a crap shoot. In sales, if you know you’re going to lose the sale most of the time, there are such things as recovery techniques that help close sales more often. Even one of the greatest sales people Zig Ziglar made this mistake one time while selling pots and pans…and the prospect was hopping mad after because he took what the prospect said too literally!

In dating communication this is no different. Recovery techniques are not special offers, but you don’t settle for what’s said on face value instead, you need to be confident and assured.

I looked at her and said quite strongly “Bull Shit, you’re not going to call me. Give me your number.” What was particularly strange about that line was that it was very out of my character. I don’t usually swear, and I’m usually not so assertive. But on that particular day, the words came right out of my mouth from my subconscious.

The petite girl with cat’s eye glasses looked, laughed at me, and then wrote down her number on one of my business cards. I was so mind boggled, “Did she just give me her number” I thought to myself. “And did she just laugh at my remark?”

I was really excited. I had tried out a new communication concept, got the result I wanted and it was absolutely mind blowing. I felt so good about it. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a man, not apologizing for the fact that I found this girl attractive.

As she wrote down the number, I was just glowing. I even called the number at the moment to ensure that it was real. Some people might say it’s needy, but the order that things are done, and how you say things can persuade people quite easily.

After getting the number the two women left for a friend’s birthday party. I ended up being very proud of myself. It was my first number that I learned to get with new principles of communication. Before that I didn’t meet any interesting women for 5 years. My life in dating was terrible, this is why it helps to have a dating coach and communication coach as well. It really changed my life for the better and I’ve met wonderful people with great memories since.

So did I go on a date with the girl or did she flake? Well we actually did go on two dates and had a nice dinner. The chemistry just wasn’t there unfortunately, but I do bump into her once in a while and am always warmed by her voice and her smile.

I never realized this till much later, and was too stubborn to seek help earlier, but a few communication tools made a world of difference in my life with friends, family, and my relationships.

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If you’re interested in knowing how to tell a Great Story to impress a crowd or your first date sign up for your *FREE* e-book on Power Storytelling at http://www.conversationarts.com