My first *REAL* Successful Pickup

Sometimes I look back and think to myself some of the greatest things that have happened to me in life. And when I reflect upon them, it brings back some sentimental value.

I don’t usually talk a lot about my days of pick up and being a dating coach, since I do mostly Conversation Coaching for professional purposes.

A friend of mine went out one night to a local restaurant to grab a beer, and I had just gotten into what was called the pick up community and reading stuff from all these dating gurus. The hostess sat us down and right behind us were two women.

One of them was petite, and I thought was really cute. They had just finished their dinner, and it was the perfect time to try out some of the concepts and communication skills that I had read about in some of the books. As my friend was talking to me, I asked him to stay silent.

As they got up, I just asked them in some what confident tone, but inside I was absolutely nerve wracked, “I was wondering if you would like to join us because we have a pitcher of beer coming, and we’re always looking for good company to chat with.”

As the two women looked at each other, I knew that this was a sign to look at who would lead the group. Women will often look at each other during such interactions to seek approval from each other. So instead of letting them decide, I talked to the one who I believed was more dominant female leader of the duo after I convinced her to sit down, then started to talk to the petite girl with these wonderful cat’s eyes glasses. She was well dressed, and later I had found out she was studying fashion. I asked her about what she did, and strangely enough we worked for the same company, around the same part of town, just different locations at the time. She had this high pitched voice, which I found absolutely adorable at the time.
I was able to engage her with about my work that I was currently doing, but what about my dream of being this successful coach that was going to help other people chase their dreams and become successful as well.

At the time she smiled, and seemed very charmed by the ambition. This was because our company didn’t employ a lot of dreamers, but more people that were robots with no set goals in life.

My friend was busy talking to the other girl and just chatting with her, while I kept talking to the girl I was particularly interested in. Then when she finally decided to go and leave, I asked her “So what’s your number?”

She had taken one of my business cards at the time, and looked at me and gave me the “Well I have your number I’ll give you a call.”

This is where it gets tricky in communication. Because in communication how do you ever know if someone is saying something as an initial defense mechanism, or how do you know if someone down deep inside wants to test you? Most of the time it’s hard but it’s a crap shoot. In sales, if you know you’re going to lose the sale most of the time, there are such things as recovery techniques that help close sales more often. Even one of the greatest sales people Zig Ziglar made this mistake one time while selling pots and pans…and the prospect was hopping mad after because he took what the prospect said too literally!

In dating communication this is no different. Recovery techniques are not special offers, but you don’t settle for what’s said on face value instead, you need to be confident and assured.

I looked at her and said quite strongly “Bull Shit, you’re not going to call me. Give me your number.” What was particularly strange about that line was that it was very out of my character. I don’t usually swear, and I’m usually not so assertive. But on that particular day, the words came right out of my mouth from my subconscious.

The petite girl with cat’s eye glasses looked, laughed at me, and then wrote down her number on one of my business cards. I was so mind boggled, “Did she just give me her number” I thought to myself. “And did she just laugh at my remark?”

I was really excited. I had tried out a new communication concept, got the result I wanted and it was absolutely mind blowing. I felt so good about it. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a man, not apologizing for the fact that I found this girl attractive.

As she wrote down the number, I was just glowing. I even called the number at the moment to ensure that it was real. Some people might say it’s needy, but the order that things are done, and how you say things can persuade people quite easily.

After getting the number the two women left for a friend’s birthday party. I ended up being very proud of myself. It was my first number that I learned to get with new principles of communication. Before that I didn’t meet any interesting women for 5 years. My life in dating was terrible, this is why it helps to have a dating coach and communication coach as well. It really changed my life for the better and I’ve met wonderful people with great memories since.

So did I go on a date with the girl or did she flake? Well we actually did go on two dates and had a nice dinner. The chemistry just wasn’t there unfortunately, but I do bump into her once in a while and am always warmed by her voice and her smile.

I never realized this till much later, and was too stubborn to seek help earlier, but a few communication tools made a world of difference in my life with friends, family, and my relationships.

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