Exciting News When Shared

You ever notice that when you’re sharing exciting news, that some how there are people who seem to bring it down. It’s such a terrible thing to do…the question is whether you’re aware of it or not yourself.

Let’s say that a friend of yours gives you some great news about starting a new business. She’s all excited, and ready to go, and all of sudden you start giving her advice on why she needs to be realistic about accomplishing her goal.

A big mistake that I hear from conversations and even have experienced in real life, is the fact that I see people bring down the energy of good news by being critical.

You might be in the best mood, you might have gotten a raise, or you have this brilliant idea for a new product line, but these people instead of sharing in your joy they put you down or over analyze the situation.

“Hey i have the best idea. I’m going to start my own business that manufactures robots that can dance to music. I think these will be very popular around the clubs, and I think a few people who have the money would like one just for one.”

BAD: “That’s a stupid idea, why would anybody want to buy your robots. I personally think that people don’t go to clubs to see robots dance. And I don’t know one person who would be interested in this product.”

GOOD: “Well it sounds like you’re really into this. I can sense the excitement that is coming from your voice. What about this project makes you excited?”

DON’T be one of those people that has to find all the loops and be critical of what another . I’ve always had the simple philosophy…”This world needs more happiness.” So why when someone is the most happiest would you critisize her. If you think someone’s idea isn’t great, or if you don’t share their joy or about to make some critical judgment…Just don’t. It’s that simple.

Instead share with them that joy…”Oh that’s great that you’re so excited about this new business you’re starting. What made you want to do this?”

Notice I’m not saying you have to agree with the idea, it’s just you need to be supportive of how the person FEELS. Let them be excited for that moment, don’t rob away that sense of accomplishment and joy.
Keep making that person feel good, and then what you do, is that you wait till the very next day when their joy has calmed down slightly, then have a more objective conversation about the “realistic” aspects of a business. People will appreciate you much more because you weren’t trying to be a party pooper on their idea.

Next time someone has a really great idea, or shares some exciting, just share the excitement. At times we like being excited and let people be like children.

For more information please feel free to go to the website http://www.conversationarts.com. We have a FREE Workshop coming up for the Art of Complimenting on Jun 14th.

Networking Events of Recent

I spent the last few days spending time with networking through an Meetup.com organizer Ronald Lee, who runs Man Meets Woman. It’s been really good and very productive. What’s interesting is that I’ve met some people who have been networking for a year and even two years, and have noticed that not much has really changed. The social skills and their charisma factor haven’t increased and therefore they’re still struggling to get their business going, and therefore they seem to be lacking a clear vision of what it is they want their business to be like. Professional charisma comes a lot from knowing your product inside and out. And knowing how to explain to people clearly and definitively what they need. For example I met Big Picture Coach Patrick Von Pander. Now I want to make it clear, I’ve never worked with Patrick directly nor have I been his client, but there’s one thing for sure, he was professionally charismatic. And I noticed what made him noticable at the meeting were a few things.
1) He was very comfortable being able to speak to a group of people. I hate to say it, if you’re going to be an entrpreneur, you better be able to be comfortable with yourself talking to others.
2) He knew a lot about life and his industry in general. And he was able to offer advice at the RIGHT TIME! offering advice that other people find useful are so important and even engaging people in questions is good.
3) He came prepared with an information sheet. This is part of the professional charisma he had, he was able to offer some useful advice without us requesting. A sheet I personally found very useful.
4) His “elevator pitch” was phenomenal. Here’s a man who’s worked it out, and was able to clearly define the type of person he wanted to work with. No ifs and or, buts.

So Patrick, really knew what he was doing. He knew what his business was, and he was able to explain it. And if you’re going to be charismatic socially, being able to gracefully explain your services in a way that appeals to people is just the tip of the iceberg.

Sadly the person I talked to in an early event, just didn’t seem to understand and apply what he needed to get the attention of people. He was just quiet, and not very engaging. He didn’t seem to have much input into the group and didn’t admit that he was new to the particular topic we were mentioning. So it’s rather sad to see that…

But Patrick…competely opposite. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to meet more people like Patrick and that I’m hoping that I can help out people achieve that sense of not necessarily being a better closer, but someone that is able to express themselves clearly to others, whether it is their business or it’s how they feel about their journey on how they started their business.

Anyway I hope to see you all on May 9th. I just added Alanna Fero to my line up of talks. The event will be called Charismatic Conversation!

Art of Conversation-Featuring Dan Johnston

I just came back yesterday night from presenting again at the Emerging Leaders UBC. And had an absolute blast. There were four presenters including myself in front of crowd of easily 50 people I believe. I felt honoured as the very last speaker to go because usually at large events, it’s the most popular one that goes last.

Last night I met two wonderful speakers who I think are fantastic. I would highly suggest that if you get a chance to go and visit Dan’s Site, Leading in Motion. He has some great articles. I ran into this one, and I think that it’s a great complement to one of the articles I had recently wrote on the Art of Complimenting.

A Classic Dan Johnston Article: A Lesson in Flattery

In both business and social environments I have always been one to avoid compliments and flattery. I think my thought pattern went something like this:

“If they look nice they know they look nice, so why tell them? I’ll just look like every other suckup.”

Of course what I have always failed to take into account is that well, people tend to be insecure and unsure of themselves. Even if we were to forget about insecurities, well, we just love compliments. Why do I wear an expensive watch or does lady wear a designer dress? To get noticed! So of course people love it when you notice.

This all came together today with the last nail in the coffin. The last few days I’d been feeling overly tired, and despite seeing some legendary speakers on Wednesday a bit out of gas. This morning after over sleeping I decided that was all going to end right there. I threw on my shoes and started what ended up being an epic 20km run.

As I was running through Stanley Park feeling ambitious, pumped up and energized again I saw an interesting looking gentleman drawing something, we made eye contact and he motioned for me to remove my headphones. As I approached I realized he was much more interesting that I could have hoped for. In an attempt to get me to write him a cheque for a few thousand to support his journey to Hollywood to be a comedy writer he told me how ambitious and successful I looked. It was as I “ran” away that I realized how good I was feeling from his obviously contrived compliment. Here is a situation where:

* The person flattering me is clearly doing so because he wants something
* The flattery is empty as he doesn’t really know me at all, and of course is using it to get something
* The person flattering me holds no significant social value in my eyes (not a mentor, role model, parent, boss, friend etc)

Despite all these factors, well, it felt good to hear (almost as good as when this really cute girl caught me singing “Mr.Brightside” to myself and gave me a smile). Whats the moral of the story? Well it isn’t to go out and throw empty compliments at everyone you meet. I’d also be careful complimenting those who tend to hear nothing but praise as you’ll blend into the masses who tell them the same things day in and day out. What I am suggesting is that the next time you notice some-one’s shoes, new haircut or the graceful way they carry themselves, tell them. I’m going to try and compliment 25 strangers over the next week, what is your goal?

Another great article from Dan Johnston. Dan is an entrepreneur, practical psychologist and performance coach. For information on coaching opportunities with Dan, please email penthousedan@leadinginmotion.com.

The Art of Conversation- 3 Minute Rule

This is Vincent Ng again, with the new post!

I just finished teaching my last class for this term’s course at the Vancouver School Board. And am looking forward to the next term to teach my course, Art of Conversation. Anyway, some people ask me how to start conversations, and a lot of people ask how do you transition from one topic to another, but mostly it seems like people get discouraged from pushing their conversation forward.

Starting a conversation is never easy, it’s rather difficult, and then trying to continue the conversation after the first minute is hard too. But what I’ve found is that people can be really hesitant at first to talk to you (especially under situations like the grocery market, book store and so forth) , and so sometimes the best thing to do is to continue the conversation even if you are uncomfortable. Your feet may want to walk away, but you have to keep your feet planted. Mentally you have to be in the uncomfort zone.  I find that 90 percent of people will never talk to a random stranger on the street…and then what ends up happening is that even fewer  will push beyond the first minute of talking. It’s just too much pressure.

One of the rules that I’ve found happen when talking to strangers in places is to push to